TAKING A STEP BACK

Have you ever needed to take a step back from your life?

I did. Do. Am.

I didn't like the direction my life was heading. But, honestly, how would I even know? I was so busy running around like a chicken with my head cut off (that's an expression my mom uses) that I really wasn't participating in my life...or the life of my family. I was going through the motions of being a wife, a mom, a woman...but I wasn't really enjoying it all like I should have been. I was caught up in the drama that life can bring and I was letting it completely engulf me. I was trying to be "in control." "Me" in control of "me and my life." Trying to make it look good...pretending nothing was wrong or out of place or at times, completely falling apart.

"Me" keeping it all under control.

Look where that got me. Depressed and near tears nearly all the time (even while on my anti-anxiety medication). Angry. Sad. Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs (that's an expression my dad uses). Many times I was nauseated over what was happening in my life. Basically, I was a mess. But hey..."I" was doing my best to keep it all under control. And even more important...no one, except my husband, knew about it. And that's exactly how "I" wanted it.

"Me." Had it all under control.

Notice a pattern here? I do.

Notice anything missing? I do.

God. I was missing God. Missing out on letting Him guide my life as well as literally "missing" Him. I missed Him...like I miss my husband and kids when I am away from them. I missed Him like I miss really good friends who I don't get to see as often as I like. He was missing from my life. It certainly wasn't intentional. I mean I was still talking to Him, praying, relying, etc...but not with the trust that I should have had.

I had no peace and everything felt very, very complicated.

I'm getting better, though. I've taken a step back to observe more and "fix" less. I'm letting God tell me what situations and activities are ones I should participate in. I'm relying on Him to be my peace in the midst of chaos. Sometimes I forget. I am, after all, still "me" and "me" needs to feel in control. But like I said, I'm getting better.

Scott and I have started using my blog title of "peaceFULLYsimple" as a guideline in our life. If a situation or activity or life-decision doesn't bring us "peace" or it is complicated instead of "simple," then we carefully determine our decisions surrounding it. And at the heart of peaceFULLYsimple is God.

And it feels so good to have Him there.

Peace and blessings to your day.
Jeanine