I don't really even know how to begin this post. I have SO MANY THINGS bouncing around in my head! I guess I just have to start typing and see where it goes...
This is week three of the kids being in school. Both of them. All day. I'm home alone with the dogs. Something I've guiltily dreamed of a little all summer. Now that it's happened I'm wondering, "Now what?"
Oh sure, there is a to-do list that would make even my mother cringe. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, picking up dog poop, cleaning the bird cage, organizing, etc. I'm also in a Bible Study on Tuesdays from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM. I should be doing my homework every day but I'm discovering that I really don't enjoy Old Testament readings and find them difficult to sometimes understand. Unfortunately, I have some homework catching up to do today :( I will also be volunteering in Faith's classroom on Thursday mornings from 8:45-10:15 AM. I enjoy volunteering in my kid's classrooms and wish that there was more opportunity to do so in Middle School where Parker is (although, can you imagine his humiliation at having me in the classroom?).
There is an awesome book by Rob Bell titled, "Drops Like Stars" that our pastor gave me to read. I posted about it here a while back. It asks not "why" but rather, "what now?" That's where I'm finding myself today. "What now?" What am I supposed to do now? I have a huge list of things I want to do. HUGE! Where do I begin? Do I begin with the easy things and leave all the things that scare the dickens out of me for another time? Or do I take those scare-the-dickens-out-of-me things and just jump right in with both feet? Do I start with writing...where my heart has been leading me for quite some time...but I'm horribly afraid? Do I start learning my life-long desire of photography? Do I pursue my new desire of possibly becoming a Life Coach? Do I launch the desires/goals I have for "peaceFULLysimple"? Do I find out ways to share my story about being the wife and mother of cancer survivors through public speaking?
What am I supposed to do?
Some of these things require a leap of faith (these are the "scare-the-dickens-out-of-me" things). Some of these things...like photography and coaching) require spending extra money (which is NOT an option for me right now).
Scott's aunt is a published author and oh how I would love to spend time one-on-one time with her to "pick her brain." To learn some tips and tools and understanding of how to put all the words and thoughts and feelings and emotions that are in my head and my heart (which are both just about bursting right now) and sort them out so I can get them on paper. But Scott's aunt lives in the San Francisco area. I'm in Minnesota. A plane ticket for me is not an option.
I know that I can just "grab my camera and go" and that is something I am going to put in my schedule to do. However, I cannot just "pick up and go wherever" because that requires extra gas (and extra gas costs extra money). But there are plenty of places I can walk to in our area to get some great photo opportunities...not to mention little much-needed exercise.
peaceFULLYsimple is the title of my blog, but it goes so, So, SO beyond that. peaceFULLYsimple is a dream...a concept...a desire...that I would love for someone other than my former life coach or my husband to hear about. Someone else I can bounce this off of to get their input. It is a "baby in the womb" for me. Something that is part of me every day that I want so much to bring into the world. But how? Which direction should I take this. I need to decide.
So, you see...there is a list...a long and wonderful list of things waiting for me. Calling to me. Sometimes SCREAMING at me...to get out there and not only discover the world but to also introduce myself to the world. Is there more than just laundry and cleaning and cooking and picking up "goodies" from my pets?
Is there really more to me or is all this just a dream? Is fear crippling me? Is the unknown holding me back? Is any of this really possible?
Peace and blessings to your day.
Jeanine
2 comments:
Oh Jeanine...so much in there. So much that I feel I am intune with too! My "advice" is if it's worth anything is to choose one of the "scary" things and one of the "easy" things and go for it. BUT, of course, not without first praying for direction. Maybe you are looking at way too much on the plate and it looks like you could never take it all in. Just put aside a forkfull and savor that for a while. :)
Blessings dear friend...I SO understand a lot of what you wrote...though for me it's a child gone from home and yes...the doggie "gifts" as well. :)
Lots and lots to think about. So many questions. Take your time. I know you'll get some great direction in time.
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