ABANDON

Today my husband's career took a step in a positive direction. It is something he has been hoping for...praying for. It is something that came up unexpectedly and it happened quickly. He is excited. I'm excited.

As a stay-at-home mom I have dreams and desires in my stay-at-home career, too. I have been told I should write. It all started with our annual Christmas letter. I pour my heart and soul into those letters to be told, "You really need to write a book." Yeah. Sure.

A few years ago a dear friend moved out of the country. In order to keep all of her family and friends up-to-date on the life of her family while they were away, she started blogging. She encouraged me to do the same. I was a little skeptical and hesitant but she kept encouraging me and eventually I decided to write something. The first time I clicked on the "publish post" button was in January of 2008 and I've been blogging ever since. Again...friends have told me, "You really should write a book."

For years my answer to this comment has been, "Thanks! I would love to. It's my dream. But God hasn't told me what to write about yet."

Nice, huh? Push it off on God when in fact, God has given me PLENTY to write about. How about I just be honest and say, "I'm terrified and have no idea where to begin!"

So what does my stay-at-home-mom-wanting-to-have-a-future-in-writing have to do with my husband's recent opportunity? Nothing. You know why? Because my husband put himself "out there." He sees a door of opportunity and he knocks on it. He connects. He networks. He prays but doesn't expect God to just do it for him. He does it in "partnership" with God and he trusts God's lead.

Me on the other hand? Can you see me over there? Hiding in the corner?

A few weeks ago I finished Lysa TerKeurst's Bible study titled, "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl". Today I finished the book. Yeah...life got busy and I let it get in the way of the scheduled ending of the study and me finishing the book. At least I was honest enough to admit at the last day of the study that I had gotten behind. My Bible study "girls" understood. But I vowed to myself that I would.finish.the.book! And I'm so very glad I did!

Usually when I finish reading a book, I close it up after the last paragraph has been read and off to the bookshelf it goes. This time, though, I was bummed that the book was done. I wanted more. So I flipped to the page that tells a little more about the author. Here I found the link to Lysa's website. I went to my computer and typed in, www.LysaTerKeust.com, and discovered a contest to win a scholarship to attend the She Speaks Conference held by Proverbs 31 Ministries, of which, Lysa is the President. One way to enter this contest is to write a post on your blog about why you want to be selected to win this scholarship.

Hey...I have a blog.

Hey...I want to be considered for this scholarship.

Hey...I want to learn more about writing and speaking and sharing what I've been learning on life's journey as I strive for a continually growing relationship with God and living my life as a Disciple of Christ.

My favorite Bible verse is Psalms 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". This verse is taped to my computer. With it is this quote by D.L. Moody relating to that same verse: "God will not shout above the noise and busyness to make Himself heard. It's only as we slow the pace and lower the decibel level of our lives that we can do business with God."

God is telling me what I need to do. He has been telling me for a long time. He wants me to take a chance. To trust that He is leading me and guiding me and holding my hand through it all. He will take me to exactly where I need to be...or not be. But he's not going to shout at me. He's not going to jump up and down, frantically waving his arms around trying to get my attention. Nope. I need to listen. I need to quiet the saboteurs in my life that are telling me, "You can't do it, Jeanine. You have nothing to offer."

So here I am at the end of this post telling you why I want to be chosen to receive a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference. It's time to click on the "publish post" button. The saboteurs are here again, trying to make their voices heard...trying to convince me not to do it.

But listen...

listen carefully...

Do you hear it?

It's a soft whisper.

A whisper that rises above the noise and the busyness.

It's God!

He's telling me to abandon my fears and trust in Him!

Because He thinks I can do great things when I do them through Him.

So it is with complete and utter abandon that I am clicking on "publish post"!

Peace and blessings to your day.
Jeanine