"It"

In the past 19 years I've heard "it" said six times.

"It" was not said to me.

But "it" caused my heart to break.

"It" = "________ has cancer."

The first time I heard "it" I was 26 years old and Scott and I were engaged to be married. It was seven months before our wedding. The doctor came out of surgery and said, "Scott has cancer." I don't remember much of what the doctor said after that but it resulted in more surgery, the making of a prosthesis and prayer.

The second time I heard "it" I was 27 years old...and Scott and I were still engaged to be married. It was six weeks before our wedding. The doctor came out of surgery and said, "Scott has more cancer." This time I heard the doctor's explanation of how he was able to rebuild the area affected by the cancer, that chemotherapy would be necessary. The doctor said he was sorry.

The third time I heard "it" I was 33 years old. Our son, Parker, was four months old. The doctor came out and said, "I'm sorry...Parker has cancer." He told us the tumors were tiny...just barely getting started. He asked if we would allow him to treat the tumors with lasers. Our immediate answer was, "Yes...GO!" Then we sat together in the waiting room and cried. Within 30 minutes the doctor was back out to tell us that Parker's tumors had been destroyed. He would not need chemotherapy or radiation.

The fourth time I heard "it" said I was 37 years old. Our daughter, Faith, had made an early entrance into the world by arriving six weeks earlier than her due date. When she was just two days old the doctor came to me in the neonatal intensive care unit and said, "I'm so very sorry...but Faith has significant tumors. She has cancer." I remember screaming and falling to my knees while the nurse that accompanied the doctor quickly fell to her knees beside me to console with saying a word. I needed to call Scott. He needed to get to the hospital quickly. Someone would need to care for Parker, who was only four at the time. When Faith was four days old, weighing only five pounds, six ounces...she started the first of 11 months of chemotherapy treatments.

The fifth time I heard "it" said I was 41 years old. Scott had just had surgery to remove some benign tumors that his body now produces since his previous cancers and chemotherapy treatments. There was a small cyst on his back that was also removed at the same time. When the results of precautionary pathology tests were completed, the doctor said, "Scott, the tumors were benign. The cyst, however, was cancer." The best course of action for this particular type of cancer was surgery, which is what had been done. No chemotherapy or radiation treatments were necessary.

The sixth time I heard "it" said I am 45 years old. It was a week ago today. My mom called me and said, "The doctor called with my test results. I have cancer." The diagnosis is lymphoma, but we do not know yet what type of lymphoma. She has her first oncologist appointment a week from today. She will learn more then on whether-or-not she will need more tests, surgery, treatments, etc. She has a positive attitude. She said, "I've thought a lot about Scott and the kids and if they can do it, I can do it."

I really wish "it" would go away. For everyone. At some point in our lives, we've all heard "it" about someone we know...a family member, a friend, a co-worker. "It" is something we've all experienced one way or another.

In our stairway going upstairs in our home there is a photo of my three "it" survivors. Next to the photo is this framed poem:

What Cancer Cannot Take From You

It cannot take away your FAITH,
shatter your HOPE
or lessen your LOVE.
It cannot destroy true FRIENDSHIP,
invade the SOUL
or take away ETERNAL LIFE.
It cannot conquer your SPIRIT.

"It" has no power over God...the One who heals, who loves, who cries with us each time "it" is said. He has held our hands each and every time "it" is said. He is our strength when we are are week. He is our hope in the despairs of life. He is comfort during sorrow. Because He...IS.

And "IS" is so much better than "it."

Peace and blessings to your day.
Jeanine