Today is my husband, Scott's birthday...his fortieth birthday! And he's not home...:( He's on a business trip in Orlando, Florida. It's weird not having him home on his special day. The kids and I miss him SO MUCH! He left only yesterday and Parker and Faith are already asking when Daddy will be home. Thursday seems like forever for them to wait.
To know Scott you would understand that this milestone birthday is full of much more than one more candle on the cake. It's about survival. It's about courage. It's about strength, determination, faith, and a sense of humor that lights up even the darkest of moments. To understand this, you must know a little about Scott, first. He fought his first round one of cancer at the age of 22 months and his left eye was removed at this same age. He lived the early years of his life legally blind. Radiation treatments on his right eye caused cataracts which were removed at age seven and significantly cleared up his vision...but not without having to wear "Coke-bottle" lensed glasses. The puny little junior-higher developed a love for swimming. Suddenly he wasn't so puny any more and he swam through high school and college. He hated college. Just couldn't seem to find his "niche." He spent two years at Michigan Tech and then came back home to Minnesota to continue his college education...at several different colleges. We joked one Christmas and said someone should buy him a plain sweatshirt with a strip of Velcro across the chest so he could just keep swapping out college logos to wear on the front. He did eventually graduate after working and going to school. When college graduation came, he was 30 years old and we had just found out we were pregnant with Parker. Scott and I met when he was 21 years old...almost 22. I was two weeks away from my 24th birthday. Our second date was on that birthday and he met my entire family. We knew within a few months that we would eventually marry. One year and eleven months into dating, we were engaged. One year and four months later...WAAAAAY to long to be engaged, by the way...we were married. Seven months prior to our big day, Scott fought his second round of cancer. Six weeks before our wedding day, he fought his third round of cancer. He started chemotherapy two weeks after the wedding. Six months later, chemo was done. One week after that he was hit with an infection that had him on six different antibiotics through an IV that I had to learn how to administer. When the six months were up he underwent surgery to reconstruct his upper sinus / forehead area where the infection had destroyed much of the bone. A year later he underwent plastic surgery on his artificial eye which was starting to drop and sag. Currently his body produces enormously huge lypomas (benign fatty tumors) that eventually have to be removed. He has had two surgeries already to remove five of these lypomas. He has at least four more that he will be talking to his doctor about removing, probably sometime in late May or June. Scott used to love the show, "The Six Million Dollar Man." He thought it would be so cool to have the doctors be able to make him "bionic" just like Steve Austin. Funny thing is...and I just found this out the other night...Scott has totaled his medical expenses and he's somewhere around the 11 million dollar mark.
Scott is amazing. He's been on an incredible life journey and he's asked me to join him along the way. I have seen him cry twice in our eighteen years together and fifteen years of marriage. He is one of the strongest people I know...and I don't mean physically. During his life's challenges and then during the diagnosis of cancer with both of our children, Scott was a rock. Almost TOO MUCH of a rock. He would not allow emotion. He was so strong for everyone else, that he completely shut down himself. He and I started joking and would refer to him as "the Tin Man" in need of a heart. However, that changed. The last few years in particular have been a slow but very visible transformation of a man who felt he always needed to be a "rock" on the inside and the outside...someone who could "do it on his own"...to someone who is allowing himself to feel, to have and show emotions, to express his feelings. He's grown spiritually. He's grown as a husband and father. He discovered that nothing...absolutely nothing...is harder than watching those he loves, especially his children, struggle with cancer and illness. He said seeing his kids go through cancer was far worse than experiencing it himself.
About a week before we got married, an elderly woman in our community scolded my mother...on the way out of church, mind you...because she thought it was absolutely horrible that my parents were allowing me to marry Scott when he was sick with cancer. She just couldn't believe that my mom and dad were allowing me to "get myself into such a mess." Yes...what a shame that I married such a great guy. What a shame that we have two absolutely beautiful children. What a shame that my husband works hard to provide for us so I can stay home with our kids. What a shame that our life has been full of ups and downs...backs and forths...side-to-sides...upright and upside downs...you know...the stuff that life is made of. What a shame that God chose us for each other...to stick with each other...to be parents together...to learn and grow from the life that He made for the two of us.
So, my darling husband...Happy 40th Birthday! I know I joke and say that it's about time you join me in the forties. I tease you about the gray in your beard...but not your hair...what's UP with that? It's so NOT fair! But all that's in fun. Because seriously, every birthday you celebrate is special. It's one more candle on your cake to shine bright. Your birthdays are reason to celebrate a life of survival...a life of courage. I'm so proud to be your wife. I'm proud to be the mother of your children. I'm proud of you! And I'm SO GLAD you got me into this "whole mess" called "our life."
I love you, Scott!
J
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